Changes

Since July of last year I've been trying to get my life, as a whole in order. I've lost 45 pounds. I've made a conscience decision to pick my battles. Just trying to overall be a happier person. Its not easy by any stretch of the imagination. It is a lot easier than being sad all the time though. I have a tough exterior, but I wear my heart on my sleeve. I've been known to let the small things bother me. I have a lot of deep seeded issues that won't go away overnight. I've had my fair share of the negative side of things. I am not a victim, and I refuse to let any bad things or sadness from the past hold me back. When I turned 27 a lot of things seemed to come together in my head. I started going to the gym, and dieting. I hate the word diet. I should just say I've tried to change my eating habits. I come from a long line of diabetes, high blood pressure, heart disease.. You name it. I never thought that stuff would bother ME. I've always been the type of person, that if I wanted something I would do it. Didn't care or even think about the effects. When I got pregnant with my son, I had recently lost 80 pounds. I didn't do it the most healthy way and a lot of it had to do with depression. After my son was born I was so wrapped up in him that I honestly, just let myself go. I wasn't worried about how I looked (or how badly I was treating my body) because the only place I went was work, and home to be with my beautiful little munchkin. After two and a half years of being a mom, I weighed the most I've ever weighed. I started thinking about all the 'what ifs' and to be honest with you.. I want to be around to nag my son for as long as possible. I have a weight loss goal of another 40 pounds. I will not get upset, or depressed if I don't reach that goal by a certain date. I just know, that I am doing this because I deserve to be happy. My son deserves a mom that is happy so that I can be the best mom that I can possibly be for him. AND I deserve to be around to nag him when he's screwing up, because I know how bad I was as a teenager! He's going to make me PAY!!