Changes

Since July of last year I've been trying to get my life, as a whole in order. I've lost 45 pounds. I've made a conscience decision to pick my battles. Just trying to overall be a happier person. Its not easy by any stretch of the imagination. It is a lot easier than being sad all the time though. I have a tough exterior, but I wear my heart on my sleeve. I've been known to let the small things bother me. I have a lot of deep seeded issues that won't go away overnight. I've had my fair share of the negative side of things. I am not a victim, and I refuse to let any bad things or sadness from the past hold me back. When I turned 27 a lot of things seemed to come together in my head. I started going to the gym, and dieting. I hate the word diet. I should just say I've tried to change my eating habits. I come from a long line of diabetes, high blood pressure, heart disease.. You name it. I never thought that stuff would bother ME. I've always been the type of person, that if I wanted something I would do it. Didn't care or even think about the effects. When I got pregnant with my son, I had recently lost 80 pounds. I didn't do it the most healthy way and a lot of it had to do with depression. After my son was born I was so wrapped up in him that I honestly, just let myself go. I wasn't worried about how I looked (or how badly I was treating my body) because the only place I went was work, and home to be with my beautiful little munchkin. After two and a half years of being a mom, I weighed the most I've ever weighed. I started thinking about all the 'what ifs' and to be honest with you.. I want to be around to nag my son for as long as possible. I have a weight loss goal of another 40 pounds. I will not get upset, or depressed if I don't reach that goal by a certain date. I just know, that I am doing this because I deserve to be happy. My son deserves a mom that is happy so that I can be the best mom that I can possibly be for him. AND I deserve to be around to nag him when he's screwing up, because I know how bad I was as a teenager! He's going to make me PAY!!

Beginning or something like it.

Sometime about four years ago, my life was completely differint. I never thought that I would have kids, and then.. you get the news. You're going to be a mom. Wow. What an extreme responsiibility I just took on. I can't do this. Yes, I can. Three years later, I have an amazing albeit HYPER little boy whom I wouldn't give up for anything in this world.

I remember when I was a little kid I used to think that we were all living life as if someone out there were reading our story to their kids. Does that make sense? As if, that "person" were turning the pages, and finding out more and more about us as they got deeper into the book. It's a strange thought for a kid to have. If it were true, I am certain the "person" that had been reading my "book" is completely shocked at how things have turned out.

I start this blog because I have a lot in me that I need to get out. I will write about my adventures with my son, my life as a barista, girlfriend to a rocker, and the many adventures I have faced along the road that got me here today and leads me to tomorrow.

I hope you enjoy. If not, that's ok too.. you can just keep walkin'!