Yes, I am crazy!

Tonight at work we had a conversation about how people think our store is haunted. It made me think about a lot of things. My mom told me that when I was little I would walk around like I was holding someones hand. I remember clearly looking out the window and talking to my dad. I was very young when he committed suicide, but always felt a strong connection with him. I think that 'hauntings' or whatever you might call them happen to people that open their mind to it. I think that childhood behavior was something I did out of a longing for my dad, and I think that in my little girl brain I opened up to something that has stayed with me forever. Call me crazy. I've had many experiences that are unexplainable. When I was 11 my great uncle boochie passed away. They found his car on the side of the road in south georgia. It was burnt, and he was still in the drivers seat. My mom, aunt, and I drove down to go to his funeral, and while sitting at a red light I looked over, and saw him sitting in the back seat of a car beside us. He smiled at me, and my whole body felt numb. The car drove away, and when we caught up to it at the next stop light there was no one in the back seat. I kept that to myself for a long time.
Then I started seeing this older woman. I would always see her standing in the doorway to a bathroom. I could never make out her face or anything. It just felt like she was watching me. One morning my mom came running in my room, screaming. She described the woman/figure I had been seeing for months. After that day I never saw her again. I've also experienced a darker side of things. My cousin, and I were at six flags and a guy walked past us with no expression on his face and said 'someone is going to die tonight'. It freaked us both out so we decided to go back to my apartment. When we got there, there were two movies standing up in the middle of the room. My two cats were sitting on opposite sides of the room just staring at it. We decided that we would go to her parents house, and as we walked to my car the lights along the sidewalk went out as we passed them. The next day I had a guy friend come with me to my apartment to make sure everything was ok. He stayed the night. When it got dark the power went out so I lit some candles. With no wind, or power to anything, they blew out. As we searched in the dark to light them again the power came back on. The walls looked like there was blood splatter on them. Needless to say, I didn't live there much longer. True story.

I also think that some people are connected to each other. There are people you meet that are supposed to be a part of your life. There is an unspoken bond of the souls. I have two best friends, Bobby, and Shanna. Shanna and I have been friends forever. We have been to hell and back. We have had times in our life where we didn't talk for a year straight. Shanna never met Bobby, or even knew much about him. When he killed himself I felt it in the pit of my stomach. I doubled over in pain, and to be honest with you, I lost my mind. At the time of his death, Shanna and I had not spoken for a year. She emailed me the day after he died asking me if I was ok. She felt like something was wrong. About six months after Bobby died I had a dream that I was driving. I had no idea where I was going, but I looked in my rear view mirror, and I saw Bobby. He was playing the guitar. I don't know what he was singing. I asked him where we we're going, and he replied 'you'll understand in the morning'. The next day Shanna emailed me and told me that she and her boyfriend were having problems, and she had asked him to move out. She said she missed me a lot and wanted to know if I would move to Vegas, and live with her.. So here I am. I know anyone reading this is thinking I am batshit crazy, but these are honestly things that I've experienced. I totally believe in spirits, or whatever you want to call them. I didn't even mention the REALLY bizarre stuff!

Changes

Since July of last year I've been trying to get my life, as a whole in order. I've lost 45 pounds. I've made a conscience decision to pick my battles. Just trying to overall be a happier person. Its not easy by any stretch of the imagination. It is a lot easier than being sad all the time though. I have a tough exterior, but I wear my heart on my sleeve. I've been known to let the small things bother me. I have a lot of deep seeded issues that won't go away overnight. I've had my fair share of the negative side of things. I am not a victim, and I refuse to let any bad things or sadness from the past hold me back. When I turned 27 a lot of things seemed to come together in my head. I started going to the gym, and dieting. I hate the word diet. I should just say I've tried to change my eating habits. I come from a long line of diabetes, high blood pressure, heart disease.. You name it. I never thought that stuff would bother ME. I've always been the type of person, that if I wanted something I would do it. Didn't care or even think about the effects. When I got pregnant with my son, I had recently lost 80 pounds. I didn't do it the most healthy way and a lot of it had to do with depression. After my son was born I was so wrapped up in him that I honestly, just let myself go. I wasn't worried about how I looked (or how badly I was treating my body) because the only place I went was work, and home to be with my beautiful little munchkin. After two and a half years of being a mom, I weighed the most I've ever weighed. I started thinking about all the 'what ifs' and to be honest with you.. I want to be around to nag my son for as long as possible. I have a weight loss goal of another 40 pounds. I will not get upset, or depressed if I don't reach that goal by a certain date. I just know, that I am doing this because I deserve to be happy. My son deserves a mom that is happy so that I can be the best mom that I can possibly be for him. AND I deserve to be around to nag him when he's screwing up, because I know how bad I was as a teenager! He's going to make me PAY!!