It all started when I was pregnant. I had restless leg syndrome, and didn't sleep well so I started sleeping in our spare bedroom. When Declan was born it was just easier some nights if he, and I stayed in a room alone. Then when I started working graveyard I wouldn't get home until 5 in the morning and didn't want to bother my boyfriend so I just slept in the spare bedroom. Honestly, the only time we shared a bed was on my days off. Two days a week. Sex life? You do the math. Now the restless leg stuff doesn't bother me. Declan sleeps own his own a lot. I no longer work graveyard, but for the better part of four years I've been sleeping alone. Since I work a pretty normal schedule now, I sleep in the bed with my boyfriend a little more often than two days a week, but I wouldn't call it normal by any stretch of the imagination. I KNOW this is not good for my relationship. It doesn't have anything to do with him. I have just gotten so comfortable sleeping alone. The other day he told me he felt like we were just roommates, and it broke my heart. I don't want to hurt him. I'm gonna be honest.. I'm not a very sexual person. I never have been. Maybe I'm more comfortable sleeping alone because I don't have to worry about that part of sharing a bed with a man. I know this bothers him, but I don't know how to fix it. This is our number one argument. This is probably our only real argument. I'm scared for our relationship. Should I go talk to someone? My friends just think I'm weird. One has accused me of 'not really liking' my boyfriend, which isn't the case at all. There is definitely something wrong. I don't know if I can fix it by myself. As I type this.. I am in one room, and he is sleeping in the other. He is frustrated with me. He thinks I don't love him anymore.
I do. I love him, and I want to fix this.. I just don't know how. I feel very lost, and broken. I want to make him happy. I want us to be happy together, but that isn't going to happen if we're not even in the same room.
I don't want him to give up on me.. On us.
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I'd say check with a doctor to see if there is anything physical underlying this. Also, I know childhood abuse can be a huge factor in sex drive issues. Could anything like that be going on?
ReplyDeleteBody image? Comfort with yourself?
I know lower sex drives are just normal for some people, and some people are even asexual, but I don't think that [the latter] is the case here.
Sex can be a really great way to bond with your partner--I hope you can make this better. (and I'm willing to talk more by email!)
Isn't Alex amazing? What she said. I am also here for you any time, to talk, be a shoulder or do anything else I can do.
ReplyDeleteXO,
K
You should definitely think about seeing a therapist for it and sorting out the underlying reasons and how to work past them... Like the other two girls said, I'm here if you need me! xoxo
ReplyDeleteYes, Alex said all of the right things up there. I would definitely be checked out by a doctor. My hormones have been all over the map, and I can tell you that creates one strange roller coaster for your libido. At one point my testosterone was so high that I was like a teenage boy, when things balanced out to more "normal" levels, my desire tanked with it. There could be any number of reasons behind what you are experiencing. If you are taking any medication, that could be part of it as well. (SSRIs and birth control are big ones). Don't give up. There are plenty of possible reasons and avenues for you to pursue when you are ready. xo
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